These are kind of counting-down days, I think, just trying to get through them, endure them, watching for the tide to turn.
The morning was very hard; I awoke stressed and a walk downtown, even through a beautiful morning, didn't help. Cleaned house a little, finally putting the suitcase and all the remaining stuff in it away, cleaned the bathroom--quite exciting, really, given all the toxic chemicals involved. If you add them just right you get to turn into the monstrous bad guy the superheroes are always fighting; or at least I heard that.
Anyway, then I went to see Amelia and took her some tulips. We had a long conversation, although I haven't heard her side of it yet. I told her how proud she would be to attend Suzanne's and Husayn's graduations next weekend, and how well they are doing. We talked about Gonzalo and his adventures. We talked about work, about relocating, about career decisions. I asked her how she's doing and told her how much I wished for just a glimpse of her to know she is all right, that she is pleased with me. I asked her for advice about Rebecca and whether she knows what God has in store for us, and for me. Like I said, a long conversation. It used to be more satisfying, more helpful; but it's something.
In the morning one of Amelia's dearest friends called with an invitation to dinner. This lady has two of the most remarkable children, both grown, and the son has just become a father. I had thought of saying no, I was feeling so down; and then suddenly found myself saying yes, thank you. And so I'm just back and it was a very nice evening, the baby is very pretty, and it was sweet to be among people who care. Hal told me that I just need to sit back and let the women find me, as handsome, cultured and charming as I am. I told him I had not had many signals that this procedure was working, and that the really confusing thing was that I had been pretty sure Rebecca was the realization of his prophecy. Go figure.
And now it's time to turn in. So another day passes, and maybe tomorrow's sun will wake me here, too.
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