Music Again

Wearing Dad's Golden Shirt-Studs

Last night one of Amelia's wishes for me came true: for the first time since 1992 I stepped out onto a bright stage again to play music.

The Stage

The occasion was the local symphony's final concert of the season. More than 100 voices, a huge orchestra and two wonderful soloists all came together to perform Mahler's 2nd ("Resurrection") Symphony--a huge work all about the new birth that follows the passage into death. "I am from God," sings the mezzo-soprano, "and I will return to Him. Dear Lord, please just send me a little light so I may find my way to you." "You will be reborn," answer the massed voices of the men, triumphantly. "Make your soul ready."

Playing this music felt wonderful. Nerves went away; the missed notes faded into nothingness. All that mattered was sitting in the midst of this whirlwind of sound and color, carried along by the act of creation and by the voices, in turns lilting, reassuring, wistful and jubilant. Something deep and fine happened in that place.

Amelia was there with me, from first to last. She it was who insisted the violin be repaired; she made sure I enrolled in a music course to feel the magic once more; and she it was who knew I would need music in my life to fill the hole her leaving would create. After the first movement, Mahler specified a 5-minute "contemplative pause"; I was talking with Amelia the whole time, thanking her, asking whether she liked the music, hoping she was comfortable on such a humid night.

After the Concert, A Blur

And family and friends were there, too, some visible, some not. How much it meant to have the blessing of their companionship on such a night! Husayn, Suzanne and little Amia were there; every time there was a really loud sound, Amia would jump. My sister-in-law Jean was there. Our dear friend Michael, who helped Amelia live so well and so much longer, was there. Rebecca was there, if only in my mind and heart, for her constant encouragement and her caring. My Mom and sister were there, also in the heart's chamber if not the concert hall. Dad was there; it was his gold shirt studs I wore.

Loved Ones Present, Those Absent Not Forgotten

If we are not to be grateful now to God, for what time are we waiting?

Comments

[lacey]

Oh wow! This is great...I had no idea that you were going to have a concert. I'm really glad to hear that you are engaging in music once again. Wonderful :)